I Love a Parade

So, I've been thinking... a dangerous pastime, I know (Beauty and the Beast reference... anyone?  anyone?).
This last year has had me learning, left and right.  I'm loving it.  I'm learning about kindness, and how it is like an infection of goodness, spreading through everyone it touches.  How it can lead to more and more acts of kindness, and how I want to be a carrier.  Every day.
This is what I've been thinking about.  I've always been an admirer of kindness.  Always saw the importance of it, tried to spread it around, even (as long as it wasn't too inconvenient, of course).
But, what I'm being made aware of, is the underlying thought process accompanying my kindness to others.  Specifically, I'm referring to kindness to strangers because, aren't we all kind to our friends?
It has occurred to me that underlying my kind acts, there has been compassion, mixed with pity, polluted with superiority.  Not consciously, of course.  I feel like the Lord is showing me things about myself that need to be, um... addressed.
I would see someone that needed help and, rightly, feel compelled to do so.  But, in the giving or the serving, something sinister was at work.  This idea that I was somehow better than whoever needed my help, and weren't they lucky that I, the Good Person that I am, would stoop to help them?  And I wouldn't even need other people to know about it, because, honestly, I think I felt even more superior that I didn't need the recognition.  I was throwing my own parade, subconsciously.  Looking back, I think there was a bit of condescension in my compassion.  And I honestly think I would have been horrified to discover that was the case in those moments.  But now I see it, and I pray that I won't go back to that way of giving.  Because, at it's core, it was arrogance at work.  I am so good, I am so kind, look at what I did for you.  I didn't have to, but you needed me, and so I granted you this kindness. You are welcome.  
Yuck.  I know that God can use our arrogance, or ignorance, or any other -ance for His glory, and to bless others.  But, I guess what I'm coming to is that I want to live this way because it is a calling; Jesus has shown us how to live, and it's not for my glory.
I would see someone on the corner, scrawled out plea for help in hand, and feel guilty that I didn't have something to give.  I had failed to help this person, so I would avoid eye contact.  Now, I believe, it is more important that we see people, than we give them a few bucks.  I was driving by one such man the other day, and I was searching my car for something to give him, and the light turned green, so as I drove by, I purposefully looked at him, smiled at him, and, I hope, conveyed the message, I see you. You matter.
I don't say that to toot my own horn (hey guys! I smiled at a homeless man -  Let the parade commence!)  I say that to show how my attitude is changing.  That I am beginning to realize that the most we can give each other is a respect that lets others know that we see them, and that they are important and loved.  And sometimes it will be through monetary kindness, but maybe sometimes a smile or an ear to listen.
I've got a long way to go, and (thank goodness!) I'm still learning.  I think documenting like this helps me process, and it sinks into my head a bit more.  It's pretty thick, so sometimes it takes a bit.