There's something you should know about me: I have teeth issues. I do not go to the dentist very often; in fact, I have been known to go quite a few years between visits. And I love me some sweets. I know, it's awful. I'm getting help.
Needless to say, when my mouth started to pound with pain last week, there was a sinking realization that it was time to pay the piper. I had been flirting with disaster for about 3 years; the last time the dentist gave me a
long list of procedures that needed to be done and after completing on or two, I slyly shuffled away never to return. I am in no way insinuating that I didn't pay; on the contrary, that is usually the reason for the long breaks between visits. Because I do pay, sans insurance. And it ain't cheap.
However, last week, my teeth took a stand. They would not be ignored. And they had a vendetta.
The first ordeal was very painful, but was eventually resolved with some Tylenol. Over the next few days, Tylenol and Advil began to lose their power. One morning I woke up in some pain; nothing unmanageable, but pain nonetheless. I began to notice that when I took a drink of water, while it was in my mouth, the pain dissipated. So I began to drink more water, swishing it around in my mouth with each sip. While my mouth was full, I was pain-free. But the pain also progressed. And there came a point when I literally could not go more than 30 seconds without taking a swig from my ever-present water cup. ALL. DAY. LONG. I could not eat. I could not engage with my children. I could not do anything but constantly swish water around my mouth. And I could not go far from the restroom, if you know what I mean. As the day went on, I made the water colder and colder. I was miserable without the water. With the water, I was able to cope. I was dependent on the water.
But the pain was becoming worse and worse, almost unbearable. I was on the verge of tears constantly and wanted to rip each and every tooth from my mouth, just to be sure that I got the right one. I honestly wasn't sure how I would go on like that for much longer. It was such a helpless feeling because I just DID NOT KNOW WHEN IT WOULD END.
All day I would offer up these dinky little half-prayers, basically out of exasperation. And then came my rock bottom when I cried out to God for help. I didn't know what else to do.
Ben went to sleep, feeling quite helpless. I knew I would not be able to sleep, because how could I keep the much needed water swishing around my mouth? So, I went into the living room, preparing myself for a miserable, sleepless night.
As I was watching Everybody Loves Raymond, a niggling little thought popped into my head. What if by trying to alleviate the pain, I was in fact making it worse? The more I thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. I thought it was worth at least investigating, so I did an experiment. I quite the water, cold turkey. And... OY. I moaned. I paced. I kept a cold wash cloth on my face. It was painful to work through, but after a little while, the pain started to go away. And after 30 minutes, it was gone almost completely.
I was dumbstruck that I had done that to myself, by trying to fix the problem myself, I had actually made it exponentially worse.
I was frustrated, but more than anything, RELIEVED. So happy not to be in excruciating pain.
Thinking back on it, I feel like there is so much the Lord is teaching me through that experience.
How often do we come up with our own plans, our own way to fix things, only to make things so much worse? How often do we ignore our Father, who loves us more that we can imagine, because we'd rather rely on ourselves? Because it's tough to
trustHim with our lives, with our challenges? I know that I struggle with releasing the control to Him; I'd rather be self-reliant. But, as we've seen, that is not the best plan. In fact, it can be rather counterproductive.
And of course, the water could be a metaphor for so many things... addictions and dependences on just about anything other than God can work against us and exacerbate our problems. Whatever we use to "fix" ourselves, or at least make the pain go away. The reality is that those things cannot make our pain or our issues go away.
I am quite confident that the Lord revealed my foolishness to me when I was at my low point. When I couldn't do anything but cry out to Him. I was at the end of my rope, but I don't think it alway has to work like. We just need to be open to Him, listen to him, dependent on Him instead of ourselves.
In the end, I went to the dentist and got my prognosis. Tomorrow I go in for a root canal and wisdom teeth extractions (all four)... yipee. Sometimes resolution is difficult and painful (not to mention costly), but oh-so-worth-it.
Hopefully, I won't have any more exciting stories to tell after the procedure...
