I'm considering beginning the weaning process. This is a difficult decision to make this time around. Jude made it easy; he made it physically impossible for me to continue (I'll spare you the gory details), but this time... sigh.
Ben and I have tickets to a Jack Johnson concert next month in Dallas, and our plan has been to leave the kids. Currently, that would be impossible. But I really want to make it possible. I need a break... I need to feel like a human with functions and meaning beyond feeding, cleaning, nurturing. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, because I LOVE staying home with my kids and spending much of my time on the aforementioned tasks. But recently I've been realizing that I have to fill up my tank. I've gotten a little lost in motherhood in the last 3 1/2 years. I'm just now getting to the point where I feel like I have to take care of myself better, in order to be a better mother. Intellectually, I have always known this, but I am now at a place where I have to enforce this. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it's almost easier to put my family first, to make sure they're comfortable and taken care of before even starting to think about myself.
With Layla, I have left her side so very rarely, that she doesn't function well without me. And I am still very much her main nutritional source, so she's that much more dependent. She won't take a bottle or even formula in a sippy. I blame myself for most of this. I let what she wanted dictate what we did; therefore, she has been attached to Mommy since birth. And now... Mommy needs a respite.
And yet, there's a part of me that doesn't want to wean her; I love the closeness, the bond. And she loves it. Is it cruel to wean for my own convenience? She will be a year next month...
Also, Ben and I have never taken a trip together without the children. It's time for a Mommy and Daddy break. It will only be about a day and a half and yet, I worry so much about leaving. I worry about the person taking care of the kids (not sure yet who that will be) and I worry about the kids being okay. Layla is still not sleeping through the night, and I just don't know how that would work if I wasn't there. Jude will be fine, but Layla. Oy. I just don't know.
And so, my predicament. Any suggestions?
2 comments:
I had the same predicament @ right around a year with Rachael. Didn't want to wean because I was afraid this might be my last chance to have that special kind of bond. But Dan and I ended up taking a much needed weekend trip for our 10th Anniversary right and you know what? Rachael survived. She was a little grumpy at times but she and Grandma made it out alive and even had fun. I relate to you about needing to recharge every once in a while. I would just say, maybe focus on feeding Layla foods like yogurt and the like for these next few weeks and maybe that will help ease the transition. At least that is what helped with Rachael. BTW, the concert sounds like great fun and much needed time for you and Ben to spend together. I hope you have fun! I wanna hear about it here on the blog!
Thanks for the encouragement Megan! Let me know if there are any other nuggets of wisdom you have to share... I'll keep you posted :)
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